Sunday, February 28, 2010

spruce pitch

Today the wind came up a bit and made it not so pleasant to sit on the steps, so i actually got out quite a bit.
First I walked by the way of moose skull lake to barb's fen.
And now i need a word, it might be kettle, the geological meaning of the word kettle, depression.
But i will describe it all for you. At the east end of the lake i follow the tiny little creek, only a moose has gone before me this winter. The creek comes out in a swamp that i call barb's fen. It is a flat area with lots of bleached dead tree skeletons. This flat area the size of two football fields changes on the east into this landscape of 6 foot high hummocks. That's where the word kettle comes in. I find a knoll of dry grass to lay my head on and lay down. I imagine it to be a 'duinpannetje' (a hollow in the dunes) i lay sheltered in the shine of a watery sun, and around me the wind is roaring, like the crashing of waves in the distant, i can almost smell the salt and while i close my eyes for a while i feel your gaze upon me :) i get overcome by love, love for everything...
On the way back i look at all the details in the surroundings. The banks of the creek have little caves in them, full of treasures. And there is always the ice crystals. I walk all across the lake, with the wind. In the forest i take pictures of the sap on the spruce trees

And just now when i walk by the mirror, i am pleasantly surprised by my own reflection, maybe i did reinvent myself...


I just want to say here, i did post another painting here .
In Nature all is always beautiful in my eyes. Now painting away lately, it is hard to see that perfection in my own work. This woman, presumable me, she turned out way to yellow. The color of the third chakra, where as her third chakra, solar plexus, is all blue and green. I did not plan this, that's how it came out. I do not know what this means, i am just observing.

Saturday, February 27, 2010

Gray Jays

Don says yesterday he saw a group of Gray jays chasing each other. Today they are building nests.
At least that is what i assume, as you see (when you can, because the photo didn't turn out very good, for that matter) a gray Jay is carrying fireweed fluff and flying of with it accompanied by a partner.

I read here in the big book, Birds of the Yukon Territory, that Gray Jays are among the earliest to nest in spring. Nest building has been reported from 25 February to April 28.
There you go they are right on schedule. I have to say they picked a very beautiful spring like day, above zero Celsius all day.
Spring! we have had such nice weather all February, but i am a little scared to call it spring, because even in March we can easily have 20 below temperatures.

I am reading on here, Gray Jays have been sighted sitting on the nest as early as March 24, i am going to keep an eye on them.

Okay now i am reading up on all my birds that visit my yard (by the way i did stop feeding them, there is the compost pile, berry bushes and many flower seedheads, i did not know why i should feed them commercial food.)

Anyway the Ravens will be next to build their nests, starting according to observation written in the book, on March 14 and they could also sit on the nest March 24.

As i am not out and about as often i used to, the least i can do is keep track of what is happening close by.

And for that matter, the chickadees a few days back where still chattering in a group, when they start nesting, they will spread out; "as spring advances these flocks disperse" it doesn't say when, so maybe i can make a contribution here and observe them closely. It does say here, nest building doesn't start till May.

That is still far away. Really we could still get a lot of ....... before it is truly spring :)

Friday, February 26, 2010

flash fiction 55

3 cats sitting on the steps
tabby is the naughty one
cleans her paw if nothings up
calico she is the queen
she knows it all
the black and white she fights
her ear half missing
they stand on guard for me
while i am kissing
with my secret lover
royally, powerfully, very very naughty

okay i wrote above here this -flash fiction 55-, which i know nothing about, than that i have to link it toG-daddys

not quite whole

Hmmm contemplative post.

Maybe i am not quite whole?
To feel whole. What does that actually feel like?
Of course i am totally whole all the time, containing all that i am, today content.

Like the moon, just looking from our planet the moon appears to go through phases.

To be whole i might imagine that all is perfect, but what is perfect, when i am here i can't be there, when i am sick i can't be healthy, when i am sad i can't be happy, when i kiss you i cannot not:)

Do you know? did you ever try? when you curl up your lips as in a smile, you cannot think bad thoughts. I just liked to add that here, i got it from Aria, she's still sleeping i assume soon her days begins while mine is coming to an end.

Anyway i am getting better and better realizing to be whole; it's okay to cry or be afraid, or feel uneasy or whatever your perk might be. And when i am laughing it's okay to know that not all is well, maybe it's all part of being whole.

maybe what i say makes no sense or you think i am reinventing the wheel. (Margriet threw that in today, 'to reinvent the wheel!', as a good thing and i am doing a painting now that i will call that, because when she came i was working on a round piece of wood)

Anyway when you let me talk i often wander off
It's all part of who i am, totally, contained, content and always whole. Whole like all of us, it's what we are.

Thursday, February 25, 2010


as the snow is very slowly meltingi ended up
upon the hill
and i will
sit quietly
upon a rock
where an animal
had been resting
and slowly sauntered off
to the valley of delight
filled with chickadees

looking straight up

i first hear

and now see those always cheerful chickadees

chattering balls of fluff

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

frozen bubbles

hmmmm i am sooo tired, i worked today, regular work and for my art show :) I am laughing all the way. It's like blogging, you can have so much fun in life, exposing yourself a bit. well you all know that:)
Anyway after work i drove all the way out to Haines Junction, to see Bonnie. She made those beautiful photos at the creek.
There's many more, i am too tired to choose, so here are 4

living in a bubble
when you let them freeze
you can stay elated
for at least a week

Tuesday, February 23, 2010


I am so excited!
This morning i hung up 20 pieces of my art in the umbellula cafe.
And yes i like to invite you to the opening.

I keep forgetting to ask Tracy, the owner, why she choose the name Umbellula for her cafe. But i love the name, because of course it is a flower word. A cluster of flowers. I see that as a coincidence, i love little details like that, how things come together more than perfect.
Tracy's cafe also has one of the best views in town, if you like wild places.
It looks right over the Yukon river, in a location where there is bow in the river,with small islands, which has an incredible amount of bird activity.
After hanging up my art, having one of her delicious (truly) coffees. I am sitting at a table by the window at the back on the right, behind the counter. From here i can also see the clay cliffs. Underneath the clay cliffs behind some trees, one could see a small strip of a yellowish building, which' name i would never in my life put here on-blog. But i did think, well that is the best view of that building i have ever seen. And i have to admit i did buy some small nails there this morning, for hanging up my stuff.

Saturday, February 20, 2010

foot prints

Brian and Vicky recently had a post with wolverine tracks. The foot is my friends foot, but who made the print? Is it a Wolverine or a Lynx?

drip, drip, drip.

The snow is melting of the roof, i sit on the porch and listen to the drip and the chickadees, i saunter in the yard and truly i am very content.

Up-side down icicles.

I actually was painting my art on the porch, well now that is a wonderful thing to do for me. Since starting to paint i have wondered about that, because really i am not one for staying indoor much. When i just started painting, i had to have everything just so, to be able to do it. I couldn't really have done it outside, without having everything set up just so. Today i just took whatever i needed that moment, easy as pie.

So i will have my exposition this Tuesday. I am pretty proud of myself. And you might wonder how come she is trying to sell her art and not even being that good :)
Well i have to thank my dad for that trait. He was very intelligent and handsome to back up his confidence in stepping out. As a child i didn't know he was intelligent or handsome, but i did admire his outgoingness, never afraid to show himself. Being able to communicate with anyone and being well loved for it. So here i am, without the good looks etc., outgoing nevertheless. Isn't that great:)

I also throw words around that i barely know. -to saunter- (did you notice?) i just learned that this morning, from TUT, messages from the Universe that i get over the Internet.
(i'll try to make a link, because they are quite neat)
Anyway i wanted to use that word right away, because
I LOVE TO SAUNTER. well you know that.

Friday, February 19, 2010

friendship trip


What if you have many wonderful friends and your husband is one of them?
Well you tell me. I say that is it.
And my heart will be in it again too, i am sure.
It's just that it is broken right now, i laugh because you all guessed it this morning, i didn't honestly knew i was so transparent. Now it's totally over, i can finally talk.
Of course all this stuff has been effecting me for...... sorry i won't say.

So last night i read these 'words', just as my husband comes home grumpy, so i swallow my tears. Which for me is not a good thing to do, but that's what i did, only to wake up in the middle of the night bawling uncontrollably. So maybe it was a good thing, because in bed my husband is a real sweetheart more often than out of the bed.
Anyway long story short; while blogging this morning, my sister phones and later my dearest cousin. yap yap yap. After yapping for over an hour i walk outside and see that the skidoos are packed and ready to go? -A surprise for me-, Don is taking me out on a trip.
And you know what, i drop everything for something like that.

The weather is still around zero and the sun shining. riding the skidoo is like zooming through a warm breeze. We follow the regular trail, riding easy now, with the snow soft (the warm temperature) and not deep this year. In the meadows across the river straight south of here, it's obvious that a group of horses have claimed it; their meadow. And when we stop they walk right up to us, thinking we have hay. But they don't mind we don't, they are well fed, and we all spend a lovely hour together.

We skidoo on and come to the biggest beaverdam ever, in a beautiful landscape of ponds, forest, beavercut forest and marshes. I would love to visit it come summer, but it looks rather wet all around.

back on the river, the arches are dripping with melting snow. We follow the string of pearls on this side of the river.

Stopping on a open levee overlooking Jo-Jo:

we both acknowledge -life for us doesn't get any better than this- now what do you think of that?to share that with my very own husband.

Anyway it doesn't stop there, we have a beautiful time, ending up as far as pond creek. and pond creek is gorgeous, the overflow frozen solid and really high, which makes the river wider than ever. the sun shining , the shadows very long, ice roses blooming, many different animal tracks.
A day like this and my sister telling me.... that is definitely......

my tears truly bittersweet (Sue:), i am not letting go so easy of them, but my friends are just too good to me.



Hmmmm what was i going to say? Last night, nothing happened, really nothing gained or lost, but somehow it shattered me, it were just words that i read, promises made and not kept, promises of friendship, and it's not even that they are not kept, i know he still loves me in a certain way.
Just not in the way i would like it.

This week i had all sorts of beautiful insights.
I know that in a way i create my own life, i even know how it works. Well how lucky can i get? I have had many instances when wandering down the path, a thought arise and next thing i know it is a reality. I marvel, and come out of the woods in awe, standing on the mountain.

That's how he appeared, all sweet nothingness, and now nothing has gone:)
I realized this week that my happiness is still based on outcomes. fields of happiness interconnected with my past and future.

I am all for living in the moment, but i wonder now if that moment truly stands on its own. Maybe you out there knows all this, please enlighten me. because i am clueless again.

Okay this is it, i search for bliss coming truly from within. Because i do believe that is the essence, i know when i am there, grace flows over abundantly in all i see and do. I know, because i've been there.

i did stand on the mountain top, i stood in the greenest valley you can imagine, just underneath it's frozen peak, water flowing beneath my feet, the wind blowing powerfully. blessed blessed me. thanks

Tuesday, February 16, 2010


i know i have too many blogs.
i just did a post on my other blog,
my own rosegarden.
if you are interested :)


The softest finest wet snow falling, like mist on my skin.
Waking up feeling his warm skin.
My son coming home very happy.
The kids in my care, the smiles on their faces, the spark in their eyes.
Skiing down with them on the perfect slope, just letting go, flying... Okay lets go there. I was writing down here some of the 'golden buddhas' i was blessed enough to have found on my path since yesterday.
So this perfect slope, when you are a cross country skier you know it, the feeling of flying and all you have to do is relaxing your self staying in the tracks. There's the trill of speed, of the possibility of falling out. The trees zooming by, the wind in your face. And because of the track and your skill, you know you are safe!
I know for me life is like that. And yes, we did have to climb the hill on the other end, no one complained, and i tell you it wasn't an easy climb, we all found our way up.

Monday, February 15, 2010


I took one picture yesterday, here it is.
One picture so it is easy to choose which one to post.
The only choice is - post or not to post. Yes or no.

Is that it in life? There is always only one choice to make, yes or no.

When i wrote here about my expeditions in the wilderness, it was easy to write, I would come home, not think about it much, and just write about my experience. pick one or two photos and voila! a post.

When a poem appeared it was easy too, because poems just appear :) if you know what i mean. (added later: That doesn't mean i value poetry less. I actually love to read peoples, yours, poetry. And i think you (poets) have actually gone beyond the ' in between' and are more in touch with the knowing and know how to express it in words. somehow, you tell me)

I want to write somehow from some level which i could call 'in between' . Where i tell (myself as much as you) something that rings true for me, but in a knowing way. But as in right now, i ponder my words, too long. Constantly i am choosing 'no' that won't do. No is a very 'stopping' place to be. When i say no, it is to that one thing, where it leaves all the other infinite possibilities.
As where i say 'yes', that is the path i take, in that moment.

The golden Buddha. I wanted to talk about the golden Buddha. I won a golden Buddha yesterday. I don't know too much about Buddhism, but i feel i want to take the path of the golden Buddha for a while. Letting every moment shine in his/her presence. That sounds way more sophisticated than i am. I am just me, typing here, in my peaceful house in the middle of a vast wilderness, on a planet called Earth spinning through Endless space.

Okay so i am the centre of the Universe :) Just to let you know.
Oh - So are you, you say
I know, i know you are
But you tell me
How can that be?

Hopefully one day
the things that i say
will make some sort of sense :)
because when i read your work
what you write always makes sense to me
it is all perfectly in Harmony
i guess
i only see your 'yes'

Sunday, February 14, 2010


My computer is so slow this morning.
Even my computer keeps still

Yesterday, we were peering into holes.
I would lift Destiny,
she would see way more than me;
beaks, movement,
and she'd hear sounds.

I would just see a black empty space
so still
the blackness

suddenly i see
it's a golden Buddha
shouting out silently at me
when we become still
when we close our eyes
there is
sooo much
to see and hear and feel
as always

click on stillness and you will find the golden Buddha, on cat's blog at February 1.
Thanks Cat

Saturday, February 13, 2010

sleeping beauties


I usually don't post other peoples work, but i liked this so much.
When i saw this poster (thursday) hanging on someones wall. (Thanks Harrison Tanner) I spend half an hour writing the words down. After all that work, i searched the Internet, and there you go!sark

Friday, February 12, 2010

too much

I am loving it :)
Yesterday was such an incredible day. I could write a book. And it's happiness will radiate for long time to come.
And the sun is shining outside too. It is absolutely glorious.

So what?
First i come to work and there is no one there! (Megan where were you?) Anyway it meant no work for me. Soooo what happens? i meet a man..... haha. It's not what you think. well kind of. I do want to write about it, because i truly think we are never to keep our loving for just one person. It's just i wonder how do you express your feelings that go deeper than one can handle? How do you do it?

So with this man, very casually, i did not look at him, i did tentatively express that i had feelings for him when i first met him this summer. He's got such an incredible twinkle in his eyes and he is such an amazing artist and he always smiles and he is sooo handsome in a delicious way. haha please laugh with me.
Anyway he said something about falling in love so easily, soooo i said, i know what you mean. tada that's all!
we acknowledge that we both felt that way when we first met.
That's all.
I know you might think i am a little crazy. But for me to express something like that and really without any desire to act upon it.... at that moment.
No, no, don't go there, i tell my self. I have enough strong feelings for other people to last me a life time.

Okay that was enough about yesterday, yet there was much more.....

Wednesday, February 10, 2010


I have a cold. You wonder why.
Yesterday i felt too miserable, today i worked, and tomorrow i work again. So tonight instead of doing anything productive i was browsing. Very much like a moose, but not in the woods on willows, but here on the Internet.
Maybe you know how it is, sometimes you find the most amazing interesting beautiful things. Tonight i was almost going to bed without much luck finding anything.
Till i came to a blog of some fellow Northerners that are friends of a friend of friends i think.
They did not see the sun for months.Welcome back! Sun!
And that inspired me finally!

THE FEBRUARY SUN in capitals yes, because it is the best of the year, right?
It might be the same for most of my readers (except the Australian ones:)
Not every February it shines every day, but this year it is trying hard.

Sitting on the deck, it streams straight in and warms my winter skin.

Thank you Manuela and Elias (and here the snow was dripping of the roof:)
Thank you sun

PS. for Whitehorse residents; remember Bonnie and i modelled for a photo with Norm Hamilton, part of a project on love and be loved, tomorrow is the opening night in the Guild Hall. I'd love to see you there.

Sunday, February 7, 2010


I caught them
in one picture!
what does it say
when you live among
ravens and coyotes
magpies scrounching
rattling my brain
they, the woodpeckers
fly around frantically
blurting out
their mating calls
what does that do to me?
I grab you by the...
run out naked in the snow
only 5C below
that's what it does to me

Friday, February 5, 2010

one eyed coyote

she's back!
my one-eyed-coyote
she was it
that stole the moon last week
she tricks me with her trickery
she's back!
she can take all that i have
make a fool of me
today i am very happy
because she came back to me
it's been at least a year
i forgot if her ear was always chapped
i forgot how long we've known her
recognizing her, looking at her eyes
she is looking very good today
chatting with the magpies
they probably knew
this is not a story with some deeper meaning
it's my old coyote
i thought her dead
she's very much alive indeed
i am overjoyed
my life will never be in order
life will take from me
i'll be a fool again
but here she is
she came back to me


there is a lightness to my step
walking the sidewalks of Whitehorse
the owners of the houses
along the streets
it's up to them
some stretches full of snow
just a small footstep path
some bare concrete
slippery sections
sprinkled sand
ridges of snow
the path is straight
perfect perpendicular angles
there is a lightness to my step
till stepping of that side walk
when your not on main, 2nd or 4th
that's where winterboots come in handy
i am walking up to heaven
i feel the new phonecard
in my deep warm pocket
the possibility
to phone you

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

snowed in

:) no, i am lying. Here in the Yukon we never get enough snow for that to happen.
But it is snowing, yesterday at one point big flakes, today fluffy flakes with a hard white kernel in it, and most of the time just fine fine snow. I love it.

Hey but what i was going to say, because i don't have too much to say;
Go to Bella! From One Extreme to Another She is a new blogger, but i promise you, you won't be disappointed.

Monday, February 1, 2010


i can look at my life in different ways.
this morning it all seems incredibly terribly unclear
it's because i will have to do my income tax
my whole live seems to be a total disaster on days like this (truly it is)
especially because i did had such a beautiful wholesome loving harmonious etc. day yesterday.
okay i will look up to the mountain and know it can be done
i won't be on-line