Sunday, October 24, 2010

the best water in the world

one thing i will miss clearly
and dearly
is drinking
our Stony creek water

it's the best drinking water ever, there is no doubt about it


I am soooooo excited right now, sit here kind of buzzing. Early this morning 3 am i did wake up kind of distressed out of a distressing dream ( i forgot now what) Anyway i was really scared about my whole adventure. Somehow i was able to recognize those feelings as ones that i normally can experience too. Just not lately as i have been looking forward to this trip so much and life is pretty good. ("Hey Sis! Ank, how are you?)" My sister Ank the only one in my life who is in some sort of real distress, but the way she is, i feel i never have to worry about her, she is an amazing woman . I will send her lots of my love tomorrow when i sit in that bus all day, but i know she will come out happy and healthy!
Okay that sobering reality check took the buzz off for me, good.
Anyway recognizing those feelings, i realized there is really nothing to worry about, knowing i am always safe. I feel very blessed that deep down inside i am in touch with this strength which we all have. That no matter what, we can trust THAT. (talking so strong and positive does scare me too, but i knock on wood, that too)
Anyway i won't be on-line for a while, but i do hope to do a few postings when i am actually roaming the desert. Is there wifi in the heart of the Sonoran desert?

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

of what's to come

i do not feel like typing tonight
i just want to be in the desert
now there is these sand dunes close to here

i wonder is it anything like
where i will be

rocks and sand
is what i imagine

and sky
next week
off to New Mexico
:) i did not know i could be like this
wanting wanting
wanting to be


Tuesday, October 19, 2010


I couldn't find my breakfast just now, nowhere, i just made it. So i thought i go on-line instead. And there it is, right beside the computer.
And it is so warm here in the Yukon, that this morning as i step outside in the dark, i am startled by the crunchy snow under neath my feet.
It must be that i am packing for New Mexico, yeh i know it's early, but my mind is already rolling through the white sand and wondering what a creosote landscape looks like.
Maybe that's why i can't seem to get much color in my photos these day.

Because there is color, the sun does get out quite regular, and still(or again) lights up the colors of fall highlighted by moisture. Yesterday, i went for a long walk just before sunset and in the evening light those colors all in yellow light. The sky was incredible, not deep red or anything, but changing hues of orange, pink ,purple, blue, yellows and of course white and endless shades of grey.

Saturday, October 16, 2010

dream it and there it is

And now as i sit inside, the sun did come out!

Earlier this morning i was reading about sexual fantasies.
After i went for a walk.
With the breeze it is a little colder than i expected, but still not as cold as it could be this time of year. There has been snow but little frost. Moose skull lake, see second picture, not totally frozen, or is it? Is that what was open yesterday frozen today.
And here!I met a flock of at least two dozen migratory birds twittering in the top of the trees. The chickadees part of their group following me, they will stay. I think it is late for the migratory songbirds to be still here. According to the literature they're supposed to have left in September.

As i am cold, i return after reaching the lake. I think about what my favorite fantasy is, and i conclude it's the one where i by total surprise run into someone(a man)that i know and like, etc. i won't go into details. But the surprise of the encounter, most exciting, the joy of meeting a dear friend when i did not expect it.
And.... as i crest the hill! a commotion down below, the Elk! a dozen of them with at least one big male. They take of as one and stop where they feel they are concealed by the trees. I walk back up the hill and try if i can run into them if i go around. (i am warm now:) Down below i twice see an animal below in the trees, they are faster as i am. When i go down i see single tracks scattered through the woods. At one point i hear one taking off with the sound of breaking branches. They know where i am. Coming home i see that they came from very close to the house. My footprints trampled by their's, i search a while if i can locate where they were bedded down. I must have woken them when i initially walked by. But i cannot find their beds.
But see what happens if you fantasize.

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

walking on water

What is it that i always want to walk on water?
What is it that some days things are just fine, life flowing quite nicely.
Where some days are glorious beyond for no real reason.
Like now.
Physically i even feel a little rough today.
Well, i did get an email from my son. Really nothing special, but the way he wrote, it made my heart skip a beat from joy. Love really.
It was cold this morning, looking at fine snow falling; trying to feel love for that, but i could not. An hour later i was struck by just that; snow falling, love.
I go out and everything is totally quiet, i wonder why does snow not make a sound, why is the forest silent?
I walk to the lake,i follow the shoreline, the grasses make me pleasantly sink in a bit, i walk on to the creek, and indeed, there i get wet feet, water pouring into my lined rain boots.
By now the sun tries to come out and was it that or the wet feet, by now i'm in a cherry blossom tree (thanks Claudia)
When i come home, mama deer is there with her two kids, a raven, 3 magpies and the grey jays!

i'm on a roll

i just love those deer, these two came with another buck, the third one was hiding in the forest, it had only one antler, smaller than these ones.

Always questions

At the mendenhall meadows, there all these mounds. I used to assume they were anthills. This summer upon further investigation, no ants were found when i dug through a hill. All i found was clay. Little granules of light grey clay.

Now what are those mounds? Are they abandoned anthills, are they upheaves from the frost?
Now thinking here, i wonder if they all are bare clay, or are some overgrown with grass, trying to picture it that seems the case.

the buck is a doe

Deer are in our yard now everyday, This morning still in the dark i walked right by one when i was going to the outhouse. They seem to enjoy eating the lambsqquarters (a wild spinach) in my wild garden. There is this mother deer with two young ones, and yesterday there was two young bucks, still with antlers on.
The growth on the mother's (now obviously a female) head, more of a mystery.
On September 19, i took this picture. Because of the growth we can clearly see she is the same deer. That day she was with both of her young. When i see them these days the young do not always come out in the open, sometimes just one.

Sunday, October 10, 2010

keeping the wild in my own yard

and in my own heart.
No matter how well i will know myself.
Somethings will always stay 'wild'

This handsome guy walked into my heart today, into my yard.
Now what does he have attached to his head?
Don and i have never seen anything like that. Upon searching the Internet, we do find out that White-tailed Deer do shed their antlers after the rut, which could be this time of year here in the Yukon. So we wonder if it just shed his antlers and some of the.... is still hanging there?

What do you think?

Happy Thanksgiving by the way! No, we did not have deer. We had grouse, sage, seeds and cranberries from the wild. And thanks to the potatoes and greens from the garden. And maybe even more thanks for ingredients that was grown far away and found it's way to our table.

Saturday, October 9, 2010

being in the trenches

I do not have a photo to add, and if i took one now it just shows white anyway.
It's not so bad that i have to dig a trench to get out.

The miners are out! I just saw that on the sidelines here, i do not listen to or watch any news, but luckily i did catch that. I get goosebumps, all the happiness!

Just now today when i wanted to talk relationships. I just figured out something about relationships. Ah! i will clean out your closet and i might even teach you a thing or two.

These miners though they teach us all sort of lessons. And really they were not trying to and definitely didn't want to. Alas they did; the joy of being free and alive.

As a job i am a house cleaner and a teacher and a keeper of wild places and an artist, and much more. That is really too much to get my point across.
So what i am trying to say is that in our society we all do specified jobs. And most of us are pretty emerged in our work. Now i thought maybe our relationships go wrong because of that. As a teacher i have to watch not to always wanting to teach my husband or even thinking he should learn how to be a good man to me. ha!
Do we think the same works in a relationship, where we can just be one aspect and things will be fine. or that we expect unconsciously, it to be as in our working life. Like me thinking all will be fine if my husband just be my good student.

Being in a relationship is being in the trenches, with a shovel in our hand, only we can dig it ourself. And in a functioning relationship we dig together. We also have to know were the trench is going, being our own boss, knowing what kind of material we are dealing with, we have to have a general plan. etc etc we have to climb out, and make supper. make sure everybody gets enough sleep etc etc.
I trust you are using your imagination.

In a relationship, which means more than just me, we will share the tasks at hand.
But we cannot expect things to flow beautifully if we expect things to be done when we are not doing them.

* of course there is our Great overseer who will guide us. Still we all will have to pick up the shovel, and dig that whole trench.

What i am trying to ask from you here, is to look at yourself that way and report back to me :) I am a teacher you know.

What i am trying from now on in my relationships is to let you clean your own dirt, to be the student, to let things go and to not always create but also just be. BE ME.
and not just what's in my job description.

:) what do you think? Am i out on limb, wild in the wilderness?

Saturday, October 2, 2010

dream wind, blow me

to the mountain top
(the mountain above mooseskull lake, previous post, same one as in my header. i know it is, i can't see it either:)

the wind took me

i am a little lethargic these days
the wind was blowing cold from the north this morning
i have this friend
i only know him from on-line
his words attract me
his voice on the phone this morning, it sweeps me of my feet

i step outside and the wind that takes me
it is good thing life is not more spiritual then it already is
if i was an angel and so were you
i'd be blown south
slide into your arms
and melt away into your skin
it would be such a mess
not knowing were you end i begin
not knowing were the sky meets the sea

it's a good thing i am in the forest
that the smells of decay keep me grounded
and the sky puts me down
it's a good thing
that i wear strong hiking boots
that push me forward
that keep my feet on the ground
and only my head in the clouds

some people think children are out of control
and that's the kind of children they meet
i only meet angels
it's me, not in control
spinning happily

my psychiatrist and i
i meet with him and he meets with me
both quite abnormal
at least i know
i am okay
and for him?
oh well i support him
i don't mind doing that
so at least he is okay financially

Friday, October 1, 2010


As you see, the snow is gone again, one snowball left in the yard from someone that started to make a snowman.

I went to the 911-pond today.

Is this a muskrat?

PS. i see now that these photos don't really show very well that we are back to fall. That the sun was shining today in a warm way, that the smells of autumn are at its best. That it is very soft outside.
This post also doesn't show the turmoil i am in. Neither the calmness of decisions i am making. That i want to live my live in the most loving way i can.
That part of that is breaking free. I was quite upset this morning, and felt sick in my stomach about it, that i went for a nap, that i talked to friends. that that made me feel better.
That a couple came to look at my art. That they finally made me make a move to be in the woods. I did drive the van to get to the pond, i did even drive into the dirt road. There is still snow in the dark woods and the road is muddy.
:) i almost got my self stuck in that mud , tires spinning. I laugh at myself, well that would be great, stuck in the mud.
I am not stuck, i am free. And sometimes freedom is hard because i am free to move, which ever way seems best. And sometimes......that means we are changing other peoples life in the process. I don't want to cause hurt. I hope so much that i swim away like the muskrat. All peace full making a silver trail. He will come back to his house. and so will i find again my own heart were i truly belong.
hmmmmm something like that.