Monday, December 30, 2013

it's a wonderful world

we don't have to go far for a work out

While Don does the digging, I snowshoed up our little hill, maybe a 15 min walk normally, i think i was gone for an hour.

Saturday, December 28, 2013

ducks in the winter

  Goodmorning to all,
Tons of snow here, i wonder if it is a record,
maybe i post some pictures later.

First i wanted to post the ducks i saw last week at the Yukon river while walking the millennium trail.This was Dec 23, 2013.  I did read that  Common Mergansers and Common Goldeneyes do overwinter on occasion, less so the Barrow's Goldeneye.
Barrow's Goldeneye

both Goldeneyes

Common Goldeneye

Common Mergnaser

Saturday, December 21, 2013

Part 2, form the book of different realities

You know why, this is part two? because i don't know how to work computers. When i paste and copy something, my typing fond stays in that fond of what i copied.

Now there i something, so after switching realities, it is very hard to go back...

This morning after i had gotten up i saw these realities encased in thick, slimy, grey, though skin. Maybe like the stomach of a Bison,  washed clean of the blood.

Reading the book it occurred again to me, that the Germans in World War II , suffered maybe most. Well i can't say most, as i think suffering is suffering. (the apple/orange thing)
When i grew up , there was never a hatred for the Germans, the image was more, of young boys fighting in Holland torn away from their families in Germany. My husband i ask him,  ( born in '47) grew up in a Military  community in Northern England. He said there was nothing, no awareness that way, they told us nothing, we learned nothing.

Did he and i came together, because in England after school he was an apprentice to lay ..marble?.. floors in hospitals?

See i am getting totally lost, here. I am taking a break from writing. Maybe i will  talk to my husband for a bit. Maybe i go back to 1977,giggles, brommers and kisses. Or to the future.....where i still will be me, but in a total different reality.

a different kind of reality (part 1)

 ahhhh i woke up with a whole book in my head this morning, and already now it slipped away. Maybe as with a dream that sits on the periphery of our memory, just on the other side, inaccessible. I will lay down in the same position and let my thoughts drift elsewhere. And yes this morning the dream came back.  I was flying , but not lucid, i flew low across a big river, coming to the other side there was no dry place to land, all swamp.
But that was not what i was going to write about, i am just easing my mind back into it.
Like how sometimes a poem comes to me when i am out, and i will ask my angel, i call Benjamin to recollect it for me when i get home. He often does. I forgot to ask him this morning, mind you it wasn't a poem, it was a whole book.
It was how we appear to live in one reality. You know, planet Earth, the solstice today, blood, breathe (now tell me again when do we add an e?)
But do we ? live in one reality.
I have two people who are very close to me, their factual stories often trespass in the realm of fantasy.
In my last story here on keepers, the fictional one, is so much very real. it really happened, big parts of it

See this morning upon waking up, this story, all tied together quite obviously, now it is already raveling (raffelen) (fraying i suppose) apart.

How a few weeks ago , i was part of world, people dying. Now they died, now i miss the feeling of cold vinyl against my cheek, on the Hospital floor. That was all easy. Now i find my self in a world of sick people.
It is easy when they totally accept,  not so easy when they want to be healthy, get better. I hope you don't feel offended by my slightly..macabre..thought pattern.

And then there is the 'book thief" i will copy a passage.
The Promise-keeper’s Wife
The Basement, Nine AM
Six hours till goodbye: ‘I played an accordion, Liesel. Someone else’s.’ He closes his eyes: ‘It brought the house down.

 (later; i might have figured out, how to copy and paste and not have to continue in the pasted format)   i first wrote this sentence; "(later;.....) and then copied this piece:
The Promise-keeper’s Wife
The Basement, Nine AM
Six hours till goodbye: ‘I played an accordion, Liesel. Someone else’s.’ He closes his eyes: ‘It brought the house down.

and inserted it, in between, not at the end.

Monday, December 9, 2013


Today i went on my first ski for the season. We skied on the river, 2 hours in and two hours out, on the way we saw caribou and sheep tracks, or were the bison's and deer's, the dog found a dead squirrel.
All was quite wonderful, and after i felt very stiff and had two blisters, i never have blisters.
more later something  i think exciting...

Saturday, December 7, 2013


there is a lonely moon tonight i walk out into the darkness she lays on her back in a hazy halo often i have nothing to do what did you say today i am not one that says i am going to do this or that i guess that could be true i do not take risk like that saying that would mean i really should write some productive story or work on my paintings or clean clean anything imagine if i would say those things i am going to write a story imagine the failure when i wouldn't it is not that i couldn't but really there is something off with my willpower i make a good one for alanon will power is something you leave up to god in that room i did stop smoking remember i smoked for a year or two i stopped with a book by a man named allen he said i don't need willpower so i guess that is why it worked for me i still love the idea of smoking when i see a cigarette i think oh how lovely would that be see my lack is saving me again there is a lonely moon tonight i love the moon most when it is the tiniest sliver we are already past that but it is still nice it is nice outside not too cold here in the north if i went out and there was no sound i waited for a long time for a sound i am in a state of waiting people online sometimes post photos that you can just tell they are from the seventies they are in a state of waiting longer then i am some women do not tell their age for years but i have noticed here online men tend to give themselves 10 years younger 10 years of waiting can you imagine my feet would grow roots no matter how often i curl my toes and paint my nails bright red the lonely moon is threatening to sink into the horizon that lonely moon i was always the same naked woman in the snow but you i remember you from the seventies when you wait that long a conversation can be real animating totally new shall i wait till the next new moon when it's first sliver appears no more moon times what to do now?

Monday, December 2, 2013

a wolf

the world of white is cold , ancient coldness, nothing happening.
( when we spotted the wolf, she stood motionless for a long time)
for an instant i could feel again. i got a glimpse of inspiration, not long enough to know what.
(after what seemed a long time, turning his head to look at us)
when someone would listen , what would i say?
i would say, the temperature is dropping.
my body seems to float, but it is not, it is falling.
it is because the space i am in is so immense.
-the kill streak ratio-
where did the connection go? what was it that held it together?
(looking ahead again, looking at us again)
it is because everyone is lying. someone felt sick, i could see it, but she couldn't say it and left.
maybe i made her feel sick, because i said, life is so difficult.
someone said she felt good, but it was just because she wasn't really listening.
nothing is fixed, when you get killed, up you go again, no time to breath
you might want to know that i listen to 'call of duty' in the background.
(eventually she suddenly ran))
i am starting to have an adverse reaction to all the shooting.
when i see or feel violence i cringe. the problem is the violence is in me, little bits.
(before she disappeared, she looked back at us one more time, )
little bits in an immense space of white love, i am so glad you do listen to me.